You've created a wonderful profile for yourself, you've found another profile that interests you, you've opened up the lines of communication and feel like you are ready to take the relationship to a new level. All of a sudden, those three words enter your mind and you break out in a cold sweat: The First Date
No worries! Meeting someone for the first time is always difficult. However, it doesn't have to be a stressful ordeal filled with nerves and insecurity. Ever heard that phrase "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change?" This certainly applies to dating! In addition to thinking differently, here are a few steps that might help you relax and approach the date with a new sense of confidence.
Be comfortable when meeting your date for the first time
Of course you want to look nice, you are meeting the person that might be your new relationship! However, this doesn't mean it's time to don a pair of four inch stilettos or a suit and tie. Unless, of course, this is what you normally wear. The more comfortable you are with your image, the more confidence you will exude during your date.
When I have a first date coming up, I like to go to my favorite clothing store and buy a new shirt. Nothing too fancy and something that I would wear again and again. But the fact that it's new makes me feel trendy and pretty. Even something small like this can help you "up your game."
Also, think about this - if you don't normally go out in that skimpy black dress and extra make up, it gives off a false impression of who you are. This could present problems down the line when the "real" you is revealed. Why not be real from the start? And if it's skimpy and dolled up that he likes and you're not into that? Better to know on the first date then well into the relationship.
Meet in the middle
LIterally. Choose a central location where you can meet. Let's be honest… dating has gotten strange over the years. It's best to know somebody fairly well before you start giving out addresses and social security numbers, yes? It would be nice to be able to trust everyone simply because you want to. But to be on the safe side, at least for the first date, I recommend finding a restaurant or coffee shop that is centrally located, well lit and an easy place to hold a conversation.
If you are planning an activity for the first date, the same thing applies. I've never really been a fan of movies on the first date just because you don't have a lot of time to talk and get to know each other. I always like bowling, where there is plenty of time to chat however if there is a lull in the conversation, there is also something active to do.
If your skills aren't up to par, choose something else you are comfortable with. No matter what you decide, make sure you are both interested in it and again, keep it central and popular.
Create boundaries - and stick to them
I think having a game plan for yourself is very important. That way, you can stay in control and create the experience that you want to have. For example, if you are meeting your date for drinks, it might be a good plan to limit yourself to how much alcohol you are going to consume. It's tempting to have that extra drink to take the edge off of the nerves, but if this means your judgment or conversation skills become impaired, is it really worth feeling a little looser?
Also, I always plan on paying for my own meal, drinks, activity, etc. Therefore, I bring enough money to cover what I plan on spending for myself to prevent any awkwardness when the bill arrives. This is just a particular boundary that I set so that I don't have to worry about anything except getting to know the person I am meeting. Once again, a first date comes with its own set of challenges so anything I can do to keep uncomfortable moments to a minimum, I do it!
Do your research and be ready to learn more about your date
I think the most important thing about a first date is learning as much as you can without being too intrusive. A good way to have meaningful conversation is to review their profile before you go out with them. Also, review the written communication the two of you have had up to date time. Make notes about things that they seemed interested in talking about and ask them to elaborate.
If you are struggling to come up with things to talk about, don't be afraid to refer to the standards: family, career, pets, kids, sports and pop culture. These are all easy and relatable topics that not only help with the flow of conversation, but can give you a great insight into what the other person enjoys.
I think we've all been in situations where we find we can talk to the other person for days without a break in the action and other times, we struggle to get past one word responses. My advice: make the best of it, regardless of how it's going. It is just a date! And if this doesn't work out, there are plenty of fish in the… well, you get the point.
Why so serious??
As always, try to have fun with your first date. It's important not to take it too seriously. Act less like it's a job interview and more like it's meeting an old friend to catch up. Worst case scenario, you enjoy a good meal and get some practice in on the lanes. Best case? You go out again and things develop just as you want them to!
Try to remind yourself that meeting Mr. or Ms. Right is not a race. It will happen when it's supposed to as long as you are true to yourself and what you want. It may take longer than you would like, but when you are in the arms of the person you've been waiting for your whole life, things will suddenly seem worth it.
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